Sunday, January 30, 2011

Driving Portland in the morning. Meeting at school to go over financial aid and loan options. I'm still hoping to get a call or an email to maybe do some home hunting but I'm not planning on it. Pretty much I'm driving near 4 hours there and back for a hour long meeting. But I volunteered myself for it because I figured it made a better impression, putting forth the effort to show up in person. It's going to be a long day and I hope I have the energy for it.

The kid is going with Papa to Canada to pick up my grandmother. She has to come down for some eye appointments. Work the health care systems on both sides of the border. Turns out she's going blind, which explains why the dishes she washes never look clean. I think I'm more nervous about the kid and my father being alone in a car for 3 hours more nerve-wracking than my meeting at school. But I've packed a bag of goodies, games, snacks, and surprises so I hope that's enough.

I don't know if I'll be back in time to put her to bed or not.


I just filed my taxes and even though I checked and double checked I feel like I must have entered something incorrectly. I should just be happy about it because it makes moving and the whole financial aid debacle that much easier and less stressful. Seriously, that number is a lot higher than I expected and my chest is pounding. This may be my largest tax return to date.
Well, perfect timing I suppose. Maybe it's just a sign that I'm on the right track with the right timing.

Other than that, I found a room for rent that sounds perfect for us. I didn't really want that, I mean I prefer a place of our own, but saving money would help so I tried looking at them on craigslist. I found one that was alright, and close to one of our favorite Portland parks, but it was pretty far out of the way and it didn't feel quite right. I wasn't disappointed when I received the email back just a few minutes ago saying that they didn't think we were the best fit for them. But then today I found another room for rent, a better room for rent, and I'm really excited about it. It's going to be disappointing if they're not interested in us. It's in a great neighborhood with everything in walking distance, has a school within a block or two and a park about 4 blocks off, is a fairly straight shot to the college, and is a great space. It's not just one room but more like two, with a kitchenette, and it's 600+sqft. Shared bathroom, that fine. There's already another kid in the house just a little older than mine, and the family sounds like one we'd get along with well. It's a cute house, cute space, which just adds icing to the cake.
I like it.
I'm going to stop talking about it.
Probably already jinxed it, right.

I hope they email/call me tomorrow.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


I'm generally not good at settling on anything permanent. I like change. No wonder I'm having a hard time finding a design to settle on for this blog. I change it and it feels like a good fit for a week or so, then it just doesn't work for me anymore and I change it thinking I've found the answer then a week later... lather, rinse, repeat.

But who says I have to have the same design all the time. Look I can rhyme. So if it last for a few days, or if it last for months, I'm not going to stress over it. I like this design today and that's fine.


I am loving this magazine, or the little bits I've seen of it, and I seriously want a subscription. Alas, at $72/year I can't justify it. Even worse, that's only 4 issues and you have to pay extra since it's shipped from Canada. I understand the price but it's just too much for me.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

tabula rasa

Having been a huge fan of the tiny tumbleweed houses for years I'm personally not surprised that I'm considering moving my daughter and I into a studio. I guess I didn't do a good job sharing those thoughts with others because just about everyone around me seems to think I'm crazy or that I'll hate it if I do it. Don't get me wrong, I have my concerns but I'm still seriously considering it. I fight every day with resisting the urge to buy things I don't need. The urge to spend money I don't have. I hate it and I want to change it. I've been told that part of that is related to being bipolar, that bipolar people spend money like crazy or go on huge spending sprees. Sometimes I think about it, and maybe it's playing a part but it feels like a big fat excuse to just accept it at face value like that. I think more of it comes from growing up in a family where love was expressed with gifts. I love you, here's a new doll. I always got what I wanted (and more) for christmas/birthdays. I feel spoiled, and I usually end up disappointed with my birthday/christmas gifts now that I'm older. I hate that I feel disappointed or unloved over something so trivial and stupid and presents. This year christmas morning was awful. It wasn't until the next day that I realized that I got some great presents and I really loved them. I feel disgusted with myself, but that's how I felt. What concerns me most is passing this on to my kid so she expects certain things, or feels that way. I want her to be appreciative for what she has and to enjoy the process of making/giving gifts to others more so than "OMG PRESENTS!".

Where was I going?

I've been stumbling over some interesting articles, blogs, and whatnot lately and I think I'm going to try and make some big changes. I had already started paring down a few things for the move, with the intention of getting rid of more things as I packed and moved, but I think I need to be more drastic. Not 100 things drastic but heading that direction.

Current inspiration for changes:

Saturday, January 22, 2011


I love the idea of wall decals but I have such a hard time finding ones I really love. Etsy is flooded with them but the same themes run through nearly every shop. Having stated that, I just ran across e-glue accidentally and I love them. Love.

These would be perfect for the kiddo. 
She loves lions.

A few others...

My favorite things about these are the size, and that the colors are customizable. Makes all the difference.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


So when I really, really, mess up my sleep schedule the only thing I've found that can kick me back is Ambien. And Ambien kicks hard and I fall down. Not an ideal situation but it works. Right now I'm sitting her fighting against it as long as I can. I used to take it more regularlly when I was younger and I used to paint and blog all while I was in that half awake/asleep stage it puts you in. Which is how this post started. I have a smattering of blogs all over the internet and none of them get much action. None of them feel like the right place, or only feel that way for a short time. Maybe it's just that my brain goes 55 different directions that no one blog would make sense containing them.

I don't even know what this blog if for exactly. I just wanted another one and I hadn't tried out blogger in a while... and typepad was frustrating me. I think I still prefer it but its too soon to call.

I wanted to stop being so consumery. But most everything on here is about things to buy. Is looking better than buying? Not really because I still want to buy it even if I cant. I think trying to stop buying things while in the midst of a probable move is crazy. There will be money spent. Trucks, uhaul, gas, food, boxes, tape, ect. And then once I'm settled I'll realize I'm missing things. No trashcan, no broom or vacuum, I don't think I have a can opener. Nothing major but they make excuses to spend money.

I hate money. And Ambien says to go to sleep now.

I just need to make it to Thursday and the waiting game will be over. I'll function better making solid plans rather than ones built on possibilities, or whatever is hanging around here.

Sunday, January 16, 2011


Some of my favorites I've found so far:

my favorites so far, and for $10 I think it's reasonable

the kid would love these


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I've been exhausted this past week. I felt like I was playing catch-up in my classes and it was only the first week. Plus, my eye was going crazy twitching like it was detoxing from meth. I finally got some sleep and it calmed down so I spent some time clearing out my feeds and here's what I found.

Amazing tear off wallpaper that I would buy if was sold stateside.

A much more beautiful design for deterring flies.

Slow Cooker Chicken Posole Stew via Simply Sugar & Gluten Free
Looks delicious and is what's for dinner tonight.

And a cute little madras plaid dress that the kid would look great in.

The tear off wallpaper is killing me. I'm wondering if I could get a roll of removable vinyl, like what they make all those crazy wall stickers from, and make my own apartment friendly version. I think thats one of the things that I like the least about renting an apartment, plain walls. And even if you can paint it, it's an expensive endeavor and you just have to paint it white again when you leave. There are the aforementioned wall stickers but I don't see many that I like and that aren't overdone. Plus, they're not usually cheap. I'll figure something out to brighten it up.

If nothing else, I have some blank canvasses and I can usually find some more on sale somewhere. A floor to ceiling wall of paintings sounds doable.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Bathroom, oh bathroom

Curtains of a different nature.

Nature Damask

Actually, with no intent of purchasing a shower curtain until I had found an actual apartment, this one fits the bill perfectly. I love the design and the kid will love the animals that are making up the design. Plus, from this seller it also includes a set of markers to color it with. WIN. 


Saturday, January 8, 2011

More curtains?

Well kind of. If I end up with two bathrooms, and I know it's highly unlikely, I'd like a fun bathroom for the kid that we would both would approve of...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

if I were wealthy 1.4.11


Oh my I want this hair. I was seriously thinking of hacking all my hair off after I wasn't happy with my last haircut... jeez that was back in June! But then all of the sudden it's cute again and grown out and the curls are working magic. So I think I'll keep it this length and maybe color it, get a trim, little changes. Until I see this and want to cut it all off again.

I mean I never find cute supershort hairstyles that are actually cut for curly hair. All the supershort hairstyles I fall in love with are for dead straight hair so they'd never look right on me. But this is hot and this is curly. What to do, what to do.

Monday, January 3, 2011


I'm not one to have crushes on celebrities, never have really, but I am all tingly about this photo of Mila Kunis. And I didn't really like Black Swan but I liked her in it. While we're at it, I want that dress and I wish my eyebrows would look like that. My eyebrows are funky, even in the hands of professionals.

via Arlan

Merry Christmas

While being a holiday crazed consumer I bought myself some gifts for christmas... or maybe just because.

  • This iheartbrooklyngirls calendar. It's gorgeous IRL.
  • These earrings which I feel horribly guilty about.
  • And both these and these earrings which I don't feel so guilty about.
    -the teardrops are way to huge too get in, not sure if I'll stretch larger for them

Sunday, January 2, 2011

theme scheme

I'm extremely anxious about moving but I still get giddy at the idea of decorating a new place. I love it. I daydream about it. And I've been here for 4 years now, and I've never really lived alone so I think giddy just isn't describing it anymore. I don't even know what I have in my storage unit but I think I'm going to purge most of it, or as much as I can bear, and start over fresh. I know there isn't much anyways because I always lived with other people and just adopted their decor and furnishings. In the past 2 years I've picked up a few things like a vintage 40's couch and an old upholstered chair that rocks (literally), but I don't have any obvious theme throughout my possessions... other than mismash. My plan is, once I've moved, to get a few things that can tie everything together. Maybe a floor rug or two, artwork for the walls, a new lamp, and curtains. I love curtains. Bare windows are unnerving and blinds are boring. Obviously I'll have to wait until I move to sew curtains so I can make them to fit the windows I have rather than imaginary windows in my head. Nonetheless I'm ogling curtain options today.