Sunday, January 23, 2011

tabula rasa

Having been a huge fan of the tiny tumbleweed houses for years I'm personally not surprised that I'm considering moving my daughter and I into a studio. I guess I didn't do a good job sharing those thoughts with others because just about everyone around me seems to think I'm crazy or that I'll hate it if I do it. Don't get me wrong, I have my concerns but I'm still seriously considering it. I fight every day with resisting the urge to buy things I don't need. The urge to spend money I don't have. I hate it and I want to change it. I've been told that part of that is related to being bipolar, that bipolar people spend money like crazy or go on huge spending sprees. Sometimes I think about it, and maybe it's playing a part but it feels like a big fat excuse to just accept it at face value like that. I think more of it comes from growing up in a family where love was expressed with gifts. I love you, here's a new doll. I always got what I wanted (and more) for christmas/birthdays. I feel spoiled, and I usually end up disappointed with my birthday/christmas gifts now that I'm older. I hate that I feel disappointed or unloved over something so trivial and stupid and presents. This year christmas morning was awful. It wasn't until the next day that I realized that I got some great presents and I really loved them. I feel disgusted with myself, but that's how I felt. What concerns me most is passing this on to my kid so she expects certain things, or feels that way. I want her to be appreciative for what she has and to enjoy the process of making/giving gifts to others more so than "OMG PRESENTS!".

Where was I going?

I've been stumbling over some interesting articles, blogs, and whatnot lately and I think I'm going to try and make some big changes. I had already started paring down a few things for the move, with the intention of getting rid of more things as I packed and moved, but I think I need to be more drastic. Not 100 things drastic but heading that direction.

Current inspiration for changes:

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